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26 ottobre It is What it IsBack when I decided to start a blog, I wanted to name it "It is What it Is" but that's Deb's byline so I didn't. :) But I wanted that because it's what I wanna be. I wanna be the type of person who sees life and says, "well, it is what it is." Not be one who has to over analyze anything. Not have to OBSESS about people's feelings and perceptions of me. Just hear it, take it in and move on, whatever IT is.
Unfortunately, that is not me. I should call my blog, "It isn't what it appears." I frequently hear from people, when I confess my deep-seeded worries and obsessive/compulsive worrying or nervousness, "wow, you sure didn't seem that way. It didn't show. You come across very confident." or something like that. Argh ~ if only they knew!!
I recently had a conversation with a young woman on the topic of guys/boyfriends. I remember saying, "Look at his actions. Not his words. What do his *actions* say?" I'm reminded of these words now. I find myself wondering about people in my life and thinking, "do they really care so little?" Then I remind myself of these words and think, well, what do their actions say? Yea...their actions say they don't care much. Perfunctory communication. Years of miscommunication. Unresolved feelings. I pretend to put up a front that I'm not bothered. I wanna say, "well, it is what it is." Instead, I find myself blinking back tears, wishing it could be different.
Would they care if I spoke up and said something??? I don't know. I would hate to die and have it go unresolved.
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