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25 aprile I done seen bitter.......and, gurl, it ain't pretty! Now, JJJ and I have joked that we're a "bitter mess" or "just a bitter beeyahtch" from time to time ~ all in good fun ~ but sister, we go nothin' on this one!
I have come to know a woman who is delightful! ["Huh?", you say?] Yea, before I get to the bitter part, I want to say she is witty, self-deprecating, irreverant, intelligent ~ just a hoot to be behold!! I enjoy that side of her so much!
[Enter stage right, Bitter Party of One] Then you meet that side of her. And OMW!!! Sometimes I find myself literally backing up and blinking a bit. The venom is palpable! And from the tips of her toes. It's not in jest. She is an angry, bitter person. Bitter contempt. Bitter animosity. A rawness comes forth in her words when she discusses those topics that bother her. Like the Bible talks about a bitter root, that is exactly how this bitterness has affected her. Her one child she calls vicious names. I can't even think of an adjective to describe some of the ways she speaks of her mother. Her father is a parasite living on the spawn of Satan. Coworkers ~ HA!! And her significant other... wow!... I'm not sure why that person stays in her life! [I've witnessed conversations! They're ugly ugly wrapped in passive aggressiveness!!]
It's so very sad to me. Cuz beyond all the piss and vinegar lives a beautiful woman. Or maybe it's the other way around? I feel sad that the circumstances in her life + the choices she has made = a very unhappy person. OF COURSE the rescuer wants to save her!!! [smile] but even I can recognize an onion with way too many layers for me to peel. What I take away from knowing her is to be aware of when the bitter root starts to take hold. Kill it before it takes over your heart. Do whatever you have to ~ clearly not an easy feat!! ~ to make sure your joy is never choked out by bitterness.
I fight this all the time, so I guess I'm preaching the loudest to myself!! Deb has the most beautiful blog entry dedicated to her eldest child turning 18 today. Gorgeous photos of V as a baby with her parents. As I read it I felt the familiar twinge on my heart and the green moster talking in my left ear and soon I had the urge to slam the computer shut and go do something to get my mind off the children I don't have, all the while grousing about the cards I've been dealt. [blah blah blah] Instead I tried to read it with an open mind and not let that twinge in my heart turn to stone. Sometimes I tell myself that having children is overrated [lol] but that isn't what I believe. Or "good thing I didn't have a kid cuz it would have been _________ [fill in the blank]" and I laugh or whatver. I try to make light of it cuz there really is no good reason that I can think of to appease myself. Only God knows...
Whatever it takes, I have looked at bitterness and it's ugly, I don't wanna live with that ugly everyday!
21 aprile Gifts 11 - 16Geepers! Mom always said, the older you get the faster time flies! There was never a wiser statement!
So, I'm racing to make up time. I'm behind in sharing my gifts [madly rationalizing it in my head!] so I shall lump them together in this post.
Now, I do not mention these things lightly! I have taken time to find them and they are all very meaningful. Really. Honest. [just say you believe me???]
#11
 my wedding rings. They, themselves, are not a grace but what they represent. Our original rings were stolen from our home while my husband and I were sleeping upstairs. [We were painting our family room and put our rings on the island in the attached kitchen.] So, they represent the fact that God was watching over us that night. The outcome could have been so much worse.#12
 12. I'm so grateful for the home we live in ~ for the space it provides me to do my hobbies. To spread out when I've outgrown my studio. :)
13. I'm blessed with a husband who knows how important these projects are and doesn't nag me about the mess.
14. I'm so grateful for the financial ability to have a portable computer so I can work anywhere! And to be able to buy a fabulous scanner/printer so I can document my family's lives in creations to pass on to future generations.
#15
  [Caitlyn, my cousin's daughter, Casper, Mom & Dad's awesome dog, and my Mom]The older I get, the more I recognize what a gift my parents are to me. The volunteer at the elementary school, reading to kids with literacy challenges; they volunteer at the nursing home where my grandparents stay; my Dad volunteers at a theraputic horse farm with kids with disabilities; my mom does sewing for people with disabilities and otherwise. Both of my parents are welcoming to anyone who needs a place to stay ~ they open their home to endless visitors that come to town to visit my grandparents. If the visitors are there at meal time, it is nothing for my mom to "whip" something up.
I can't say enough about my parents. Sure, they have their faults but the good far outweighs them.
#16
My husband and my upcoming Anniversary vacationis a treasured gift right about now! I am soooooooooooo looking forward to getting away and having some fun! Just a few days to play, enjoy the beach and focus only on one another!
Know what time it is?I must offer up kuddos to Brentwood for an hysterical account of the perils of IBS. Besides my husband, I have one particular friend that I can share these stories with ~ always good for a sympathetic laugh. They are funny only AFTER you've recovered! Brentwood and his wife call them "Blowouts." My husband and I have the code of "Know what time it is?" That means ~ find a restroom. Fast.
My most memorable Blowout experience was in Paris. An evening stroll down the Champs-Elysees... at Christmas time...basking in the beauty, the lights, the sounds, feeling soooooo blessed for having the opportunity to see such a beautiful place! ~ just GLORIOUS! La plus belle avenue du monde!!
 (not my personal photo - but I have one or 12 similar)Then it hits! OMW, I have to go!!!!!!!!!!! I look at my husband. He knows! We ask several people/policemen until we find someone who: 1. speaks pseudo french or English, and 2. gives a rat's ass what we're asking. We are finally directed to the end of the avenue, by the Arc de Triomphe. Feels like MILES that we walk until...There it is! Down some steps, the entrance to the restroom ~ Thanks be to God!!!! As we decend, a woman steps out of the entrance, shuts the door and LOCKS IT! What??? Nooooooooooooo.... S'il vous plaît, s'il vous plaît, mon j'entre?, I rattle in my broken french! oh help me! She looks at me with a sneer and without words says, Nope. Non entrer pas. Sorry 'bout your luck.
AAAAAHHHHHHHHH! I look at my husband with desperation all over my face, near tears, and without words he takes my hand and we run up the stairs again. [imagine, the likes of a couple in a movie, trying to outrun the "bad guys"! all cuz I had to potty!!!!] We literally ran down the street, into every cafe/restaurant ~ mind you they are all shee -shee poo-poo fancy-schmancy ~ until we found one with a potty. Who cares at this point that we looked like haggared American tourists fleeing from terrorists! Relief is coming! Oh, thanks be to God!!!!!!!!!
Then, my personal favorite part of any such episode, leaving the establishment with some sort of dignity. Knowing you just DIED in their restroom! Trying to keep your head high when really you just wanna disappear.
Yes, Brentwood, to know such a feeling is to sympathize with anyone who has had such a similar one! 18 aprile For a Little WhileHaven't been writing ~ stopped today to ask myself why. I just don't feel like opening up, which writing always requires. :) Been working long hours this week and have been numbed by it. Not a bad thing, once in a while. All I seem to think about or want to write about are my grandparents and their situation. Even I'm tired of the hurt.
So, until they surface and I can't ignore them, I'm taking a respite from my feelings/emotions. 01 aprile Yet another Grandparent blogFor those of you who are SICK of hearing me lament about my Grandparents...better just close this now. Move on, cuz here she goes again!!
My cousin, Crystal, innocently asked me if I had any pictures of my maternal grandfather. If so, would I scan some for her. Well. [snort] Do I have pictures??? My Grandpa was always with a camera in his hand. I can remember the old Brownie that he would look into from the top to take the photo. To know my Grandpa is to know that this was no speedy ordeal. Ohhhhhhhh noooooo. Grandpa never moved faster than 2nd gear. Ever. So we learned early on that when Grandpa got the camera in hand, you better SCATTER unless you wanted to pose for a while! lol
My mother, God love her, inherited this love of photography. You can count on Lois to have a camera in hand at any given time. Well, she decided that she like the scrapbooks I made for my neices so much that she wants one for her 50th Wedding Anniversary. So, she "gave" me all of her photos. Now, right about now you're probably imagining this Norman Rockwell exchange of treasured photographs lovingly handed down from one generation to another...all wrapped in geneological posterity!! [i just made that up!] Okay, here's reality: shoe boxes, shopping bags, ripped up photo albums ~ full of photos! Not organized. Not documented. Some stuck in those awwwwwwwful self-stick albums! ::sigh::
Sooooooooo, wanting to share these treasures, I have started to scan them. Hoping to get them on CD for generations to come. But every time I start to look thru them I find myself smiling, laughing out loud, reminiscing, going to show my husband which ensues in a lengthy conversation. And sometimes, yea, you guessed it ~ tears. [see a previous blog about me and my tears.]
 Here is one of those. When I came across this, at first I smiled. Thinking of games that have been so much a part of family gatherings. Chelsea, my niece, who LOVED to play board games when she was young, here playing with her great grandparents. Grandpa Kime leaning over and helping her with a dominoes decision. Then the tears welled up as I thought how much I want them all back. Grandpa Smith in his ubiquitous overalls. :) Grandma Smith [her back to us here] and her constant picking on us. I just want them back, healthy. This picture is worth 1,000 words.
Thank you, Grandpa, for always documenting our treasured memories and passing that hobby on to your daughter and granddaughter.
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